Last week, I wrote a little ditty about the importance of self-love.
If I had to capture the majority of responses and put them into one sentence, it would be:
Thanks for the reminder but it’s not easy is it?
Sad.
We can love our friends, our partners and our children with our entire being but we find it a challenge to love ourselves?
We can shrug it off when our 5 year old spills a cup of juice for the third time in a row yet berate ourselves incessantly because we forgot to make one phone call.
We can tell a girlfriend how beautiful she is but refuse to accept compliments about ourselves…
What’s up with that?
If we are not able to be gentle to the one being we are closest to, how can we possibly expect to fully show up in our lives for everyone else?
It’s not self-indulgent to practice self-love. It’s crucial for your current mental health and future well-being. But it doesn’t usually come automatically. We have to create it, remember it and always practice it.
Honour yourself, your thoughts, feelings and the person you are becoming. Forgive yourself for your stuff-ups and get rid of perfection-poison!
Agreed -it’s not always easy.
True self-love requires acceptance of your thoughts and feelings, forgiving yourself (again and again) and being there for yourself when life throws you a bunch of curve-balls.
It’s about tackling the challenging sh*t in your life, not because you want to, but because you know it’s going to be better for you later on!
So where do we start?
By developing self awareness.
By learning to distinguish between our real selves and our inner mean girl or gremlin that comes out to taunt us.
By expressing love to yourself and replacing nasty self-talk with kindness.
By releasing self-judgement and self-lies of insufficiency.
By listening to our bodies and knowing when are at the point of exhaustion.
By looking at your life and asking how much time is being spent doing things for others and how much time is spent doing things YOU enjoy?
By eating what makes you feel good, inside and out and not just what tastes good.
By working on your fitness and moving your body! Whether it’s at the gym, dancing around the house in your undies or chasing the kids at the park – Don’t just move. Feel good about your choices.
By practicing mindfulness and meditation.
By learning to say No when you feel stretched and being ok about it.
By learning to say yes to new experiences and opportunities that present themselves without fear.
By knowing when it’s time to stop playing the victim. We all have a story of pain and suffering. Sharing can be healing but carrying that story around every day is not.
By being grateful for what you do have and who you are right now.
By letting go of all the external messages that are telling you how you should look, what size you should be and what car you should drive….
By questioning – is this right for me? Does it feel authentic? Am I being true to my innermost dreams and desires?
And if you still don’t know where to start?
Start by putting yourself first.
~Kirri
About kirri
The older I get, the more I like myself and the more times I stand up for the decisions I make. I’m getting better and better at it but I still have many moments where I don’t want to be the person I am, especially when your daughter drops her pants at Pumpkin Patch and yells “Mum, I have worms!”. Oh, we’re not talking about those moment are we?!
Penny Whitehouse recently posted..Puppet Play — Australian Animals
No…we’re not really Penny. Thanks for the visual though *slightly traumatized!*
kirri recently posted..See ya self-flagellation, Hello self-love!
I always think that the degree to which we love others is limited by the love and acceptance we develope for ourselves. If we doubt ourselves in some way, and sadly we all do, it attacks our image of others and limits our ability to feel affection. May be not at the beginning of a friendship but over time those doubts surface and corrode anything they touch
countingducks recently posted..Getting to Know People
Thats a great insight CD and I agree…so much comes from within and then trickles out to the rest of our lives. I know that when I am not feeling great about myself – that is when my relationships with others suffer…it becomes too easy to withdraw or put up fences. Just another of a myriad of reasons why we should practice self-acceptance hey!
kirri recently posted..See ya self-flagellation, Hello self-love!
You’ve brought tears to my eyes with this post, Kirri.
I was really beating myself up about something on Monday. I haven’t felt that crap about myself in a long time and I hated being in that dark place. I eventually got out, went for a walk, tried a bit of meditation. And although, I wasn’t too successful on getting a perfectly clear head, that time alone helped put things in perspective.
Grace recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Dusk
We’ve all been there Grace..All of us. I can only write from my experience and as such, I am no stranger to the domain of self-beating, (moreso since becoming a mum).
Its great to hear that you took some time out and did what you needed to gain some perspective. Sending you some extra self-love today and gratitude for your continual support and caring x
kirri recently posted..See ya self-flagellation, Hello self-love!
Fantastic advice Kiri…I think I do some quite well but others bit so well so it is always great for a reminder of the practical things we can do too.
Martine@themodernparent recently posted..Grief, birthdays and remembering
One thIng I don’t do very well is read my comments before I publish! Was supposed to read “some things well and other things not so well”!!
Martine@themodernparent recently posted..Grief, birthdays and remembering
I got you the first time Martine
I’m glad that you found some value in my words and hope you will keep doing what works for you.
kirri recently posted..See ya self-flagellation, Hello self-love!
I’ve read many posts in the blogosphere of people, especially women, struggling with their self-esteem and I realise it makes me feel a bit odd. Why? It’s because I don’t fully relate anymore. I used to be that person. In my 20s, I was in the throes of pity parties and full-blown negativity. Then one day I heard the words, “You are depressing to be around”. It took the shock and realisation of those words before I made an active effort to change my thinking about myself. Self-love sounds very self-absorbing and even arrogant but I suddenly realised that so does self-pity. They are like flip-sides of the same coin, at least in my mind. I still have my bad moments but I’m much more comfortable with who I am now in general and don’t beat myself up anywhere near like I used to. But because so many women still do, posts like yours are really important reminders that we don’t need to be like that. We really don’t. Thanks for writing this and your previous post. I hope the message gets out to more people.
It sounds like you don’t fully relate to it anymore because you had the self-awareness to recognize the consequences of your own negativity and then take action to move towards change….which is great! Unfortunately a lot of women continue on the cycle of listening to their inner gremlins and believing it…I think mums are at a greater risk simply because for a lot of us, our self-worth can become wrapped up in mummyhood and if we had an epic fail at parenting that day, we may then internalize those feelings of negativity and shoulder responsibility for them.
Too much self-love can result in someone who is conceited or self-absorbed but my personal belief is that most of us struggle with feelings of inadequacy rather than the opposite side of the coin.
I really welcome comments like yours Veronica -they add another valuable dimension to the discussion and I hope you will visit again
kirri recently posted..See ya self-flagellation, Hello self-love!
This is great advice. I think I’ll start practicing it today.
Bridget recently posted..I Hate Crafts
Nice Bridget! I just noticed the title of your blog post and am laughing in agreement! I will come and investigate further!
kirri recently posted..See ya self-flagellation, Hello self-love!